#7 Tatiana

A pretty long break happened between #6 and #7. About 5 months. During that time I didn't pursue any sort of action. I was jobless and not in a very good state of mind. At the end of the year I would meet Tatiana, a cabaret beauty from Russia.

#7 Tatiana

Many of my friends have solved the lack of sex in their lives by opting to "pay" for sex. It's something that never really appealed to me. It just doesn't feel right to have intercourse with someone who doesn't have sex with you for what's in your pants (or heart) but for what's in your wallet instead.

So Tatiana is a lady of the night, or as she would probably call herself, a cabaret artist. One night, after a frustrating loss in an online p0ker tournament, my desperate friend Max insisted we get a drink at a pretty ritzy cabaret in town. I needed a drink, and figured watching topless girls (for the most part gorgeous and from eastern europe) perform their art would be fairly harmless and enjoyable. Fast forward a couple hours later and here I am, melting for Tatiana whose smile, siberian eyes and sense of humor completely captured me, to the point where I went over my evening budget to share a bottle of champagne with my friend and our two charming escorts.

Nothing happened that night aside from some drunken dancing on the cabaret dancefloor, and my first ever performance using a pole, which I have to say very much enjoyed and excelled at. Quite honestly, it was one of the funnest nights I've ever had. Max and I were the only customers, and Tatiana and Max's girl were a lot of fun, and genuinely seemed to enjoy our company, especially on the dance floor which was very much similar to the one in Saturday Night Fever. That evening cost me way too much, but the fun and I was priceless (ironically I paid with a mastercard).

I would see Tatiana again a few weeks later at the cabaret, and a couple more times outside of her "work" for dinner at my place and in a russian restaurant (absolutely foul I might add). I felt silly for falling in the category of guys who fall for strippers, but I truly enjoyed every second with her and I can't escape the fact that she is a very nice girl with a great sense of humor and amazing charm. I was extremely attracted to her, she made me laugh, and we got along great. We'd talk about everything and nothing, and at no point did I feel used by her, although of course the two evenings at the cabaret did hurt my bank account, and the dinner and drinks out weren't free, but she could see I wasn't a rich man, and she didn't ask for money or gifts at any point. I think she truly liked spending time with me, and appreciated that I didn't just want to fuck her.

One morning, my phone rang at 6am. It was Tatiana, and I could barely understand her words (her work involved massive amounts of champagne drinking each night, highly unhealthy). After a couple minutes I figured out that she wanted to see me. In 15 minutes, I was showered, dressed, and at her door. She had fallen asleep, quite drunk, and surprised to see me, but happy that I had showed up.

That morning would be the only time that we would have sex. It was quite good. For one, she gave amazing head (like a professional one might say). Upon pulling my boxers off she exclaimed with her broken english and sexy russian accent: "I finally get to see you... oh my you're big!" which is absolutely hilarious because I am not big at all, below average for sure. Her sense of humor was very sarcastic, so maybe she was being sarcastic at that point but regardless I didn't care, and thought it was kind of funny.

I was a bit nervous. It was early in the morning, and felt out of synch with her state for this was the end of the day for her and she was drunk, and the start of the day for me and I was sober. I lacked that euphoric feel that alcohol brings, which certainly would've helped feel more at ease. I don't think I performed too well. I was rusty, but the sex was enjoyable nonetheless. At first she got on top of me, but something felt weird. She made strange hip movements which were probably aimed at increasing sensation, but which really felt odd and out of place. I asked if she could turn around, and she said "doggystyle? yes sure!" Doggystyle was fine, but she spread her legs so much that her low position made it difficult for me to fuck her correctly, and pulled my cock south (my cock points to the sky when erect, and it tends to hurt a bit when I have to penetrate at an angle below 90 degrees).

After not being able to cum doggystyle, I pulled out and took my condom off as my cock was becoming soft again. I was out of practice, the medication I was taking was affecting my ability to get hard (more about this problem in future posts) and the circumstances were just a little too weird for me. We cuddled instead, which was quite nice and tender. After about ten minutes of cuddling, Tatiana reached for my cock and began to stroke it. As it got rock hard again she got on top of me, and I got into a sitting position, with Tatiana's body wrapping mine. We fucked that way for a while, and finally I felt myself reaching the big 'O'. I came in her, completely indifferent to the fact that I wasn't using a condom, that Tatiana was a lady of the night, and the risks that involved (disease? baby? both??) I stayed at her place that night. She warned me of which was "her" side of the bed, and when I went to "my" side, lying on my back, she leaned close to me and put her head on my chest and wrapped her leg against my body. She said goodnight, and fell asleep. I remember feeling very happy. This was a very tender moment, one that I hadn't felt since Maria (#4).

I saw Tatiana again a couple weeks later. We had coffee, talked, then hugged and said goodbye to each other as she had to head back home for 3 months, until she was allowed to get a visa to work in the country I live in again. We stayed in touch through e-mail and text messages, and upon her return here she called me. She works in a different city, 5 hours from here. It's probably a good thing. I felt something special for her. Not love, but a crush nonethless, and not having her close probably saves me from returning to a cabaret and maxing out my credit card.

On the night Tatiana left, I met Clara (#8). In a way, I wish I hadn't met Clara, as I am still hurting today by the way our relationship ended, and the way it didn't continue. I won't be completely healed until I can prove to myself that I can still be appreciated as a person and as a lover by a woman I desire. I'm waiting for that day, yet I don't know if I'm ready for it.

I should mention that I only had sex with Clara using a condom, and that 3 months after my night with Tatiana, I got tested for STDs and HIV. The results were negative, and Tatiana is not pregnant. Phew!