I once had a blog 3 years ago that started after my relationship with Maria started to turn sour, mainly sexually speaking. I took down the blog 2 years ago, after Maria and I broke up, and I no longer felt the need or the desire to keep writing.
#4 Maria
Maria is the one true love that I had. We met when I was 23, and she was 18. Maria was (and still is) gorgeous. Spanish roots, long and thick brown hair, small hazel eyes, amazing luscious lips, great smile, tiny waist, curvy hips, 5'3, clear and soft skin. Maria was also a brain, currently in her last year of med school. We stayed together 4 years, during 1.5 years of those years I was finishing college, but still saw each other during summer and winter breaks during that period.
Our relationship can pretty much be summed up into 2 parts. The first 2 years, and the last 2. The first two years were magical. We were in love, we were thinking of building a future together, and everything was going great.
The sex with Maria was great in our first year. She was more open than Sarah in quite a few domains. She gave better blow jobs, and quite open. Sex got increasingly better at first, as we got to discover each other's bodies, and get familiar with what turned each other on and so forth. I got to experience my first doggystyle experience with her, which quickly became one of our standard positions. I also got to perfect my oral skills with her as giving head was the only way I could get her to cum. Contrary to Sarah, Maria couldn't come during penetration, except when touching herself in the process. We did discover one way to get her to come: through anal sex. We tried it for the first time one year into our relationship, and to her surprise she loved it. It allowed her better access to her clit which she would rub while I fucked her from behind (carefully as not to hurt her, and increasingly faster as she neared climax).
What became daily sex turned to every other day sex after a few months, then twice a week sex after 6 months, then weekly sex after a year , every other week sex after two years, once a month sex in our last year, and barely no sex at all in the last few months together. I don't feel like going into the details, except to say that I was very frustrated about this degradation, and tried very hard to fix things, going out of my way to be understanding, to try different approachers, communicating, and seeking professional help. It didn't work, and it affected our lives. Eventually, as I felt she gave up on our relationship, I waited for things to die off and they did. We mutually agreed to split after 4 years together, and after some tense moments in the months that followed, we're now good friends.
I don't regret my relationship with Maria at all. I've never felt as loved as I was with Maria in the first two years together, and I've never been as close to someone in my life. Those who read my previous blog probably remember my frustrations, and there many. I believe this relationship taught me a lot, and I can take a lot of things from it for the next time I meet someone with whom I'll have a serious and loving relationship.
As I said, we're good friends now, but every time I see her I remember why we split. Something just wasn't there anymore, and I'm glad we moved on but remained friends.
I haven't a real girlfriend since Maria. I started to with #8, Clara, but it was only a beginning. Still, the breakup with #8 was much harder than any other breakup I've experienced, however brief our stay together was.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
My life today
Because of the nature of this blog and its sexual content, I'm trying to keep some level of anonymity. Nevertheless, I don't want this blog to be a simple account of my sex life, past & future (I have no sex life in the present). I'm hoping this can be a journal for me, and a good read for some of you people out there.
Basic facts about me: I'm half American and half European. I grew up in Europe, went to college in the US, and am now back living in Europe. I'm a pretty normal guy. I have decent looks but I'm not a stud. I can be very shy, but I do have very good social skills. I have many friends around Europe and in the US, but I haven't had many lovers. I think most girls see me as the good friend type. People confide in me easily, and I'm very open about life, my troubles, my insecurities to people I trust, and even people I don't trust. I'm a bit too much of a nice guy. I try too hard to control everything around me. I'm not a control freak, but rather a moderation freak. I take it upon myself to make sure that everything and everyone around me is in order and nothing and problem free. I suffer a great deal as a result, because I rarely deal with my own needs and wishes. Paradoxically, I feel very sorry for myself most of the time and spend a great deal of time thinking about how I'm not satisfied with my life, and trying to figure out what it is I want in life.
I've suffered from depression for more than a decade. I've had 5 big depression episodes in my life. At 18, 20, 22, 28 and the latest happening 3 months ago at 29. The last crisis happened after I couldn't bring myself to go to work, causing a nervous breakdown and the end of my stint in a large corporate company in the city I live in, which I will refer to as "The City" from now on. The City is not well known but not that big. It's not London. I was dumped the day after my breakdown by my then gf: girl #8, Clara. The double fiasco threw me into the worst depressive episode of my life. Up until two weeks ago I was crying every single day, for several hours, and seriously considering giving up on life and jumping off a bridge. I felt absolutely no hope in getting better and living "a normal decent life". I'm on medical leave from work, so I'm not really doing anything right now except taking time to get better. I'm on pretty heavy medication for my depression and I'm working on living a less stressful life by leading a healthier life (less alcohol, no more weed, less partying) and reading personal development articles and books. Those combined elements have helped me out tremendously, and I'm now doing much better than I was 2 weeks ago only. I still get very down, but I can get through the day fairly easily, whereas before I would cringe at the idea of waking up and having to face hours of anxiety and misery. I feel that I'm 70% recovered, and would like to get to 100% as quickly as possible, but every time I think I'm ready to get back into active life, I end up falling down harder right after, so I'm being more patient and cautious in my daily routine now. It makes for a pretty boring life, which is why I've decided to start a blog. I love writing but it's something I haven't been able to do in a long time.
At times I feel quite confident, other times I feel very insecure. Right now I'm feeling rather insecure, but that's slowly starting to change. I believe a fling would help me a lot. I haven't felt good about my masculinity in a long time. Girl #8, Clara, contributed to that insecurity a lot, even if ultimately it was my own fear of not being good enough for her that failed me. Realistically, it would have never worked out between the two of us.
The change in tone from my last message is pretty typical from me. Yesterday I was feeling chipper and hyper, today I'm feeling a bit down and melancholic. I felt awful this morning and popped a sleeping pill to get 4 additional hours of sleep. It's 3pm now, and I am feeling better.
Basic facts about me: I'm half American and half European. I grew up in Europe, went to college in the US, and am now back living in Europe. I'm a pretty normal guy. I have decent looks but I'm not a stud. I can be very shy, but I do have very good social skills. I have many friends around Europe and in the US, but I haven't had many lovers. I think most girls see me as the good friend type. People confide in me easily, and I'm very open about life, my troubles, my insecurities to people I trust, and even people I don't trust. I'm a bit too much of a nice guy. I try too hard to control everything around me. I'm not a control freak, but rather a moderation freak. I take it upon myself to make sure that everything and everyone around me is in order and nothing and problem free. I suffer a great deal as a result, because I rarely deal with my own needs and wishes. Paradoxically, I feel very sorry for myself most of the time and spend a great deal of time thinking about how I'm not satisfied with my life, and trying to figure out what it is I want in life.
I've suffered from depression for more than a decade. I've had 5 big depression episodes in my life. At 18, 20, 22, 28 and the latest happening 3 months ago at 29. The last crisis happened after I couldn't bring myself to go to work, causing a nervous breakdown and the end of my stint in a large corporate company in the city I live in, which I will refer to as "The City" from now on. The City is not well known but not that big. It's not London. I was dumped the day after my breakdown by my then gf: girl #8, Clara. The double fiasco threw me into the worst depressive episode of my life. Up until two weeks ago I was crying every single day, for several hours, and seriously considering giving up on life and jumping off a bridge. I felt absolutely no hope in getting better and living "a normal decent life". I'm on medical leave from work, so I'm not really doing anything right now except taking time to get better. I'm on pretty heavy medication for my depression and I'm working on living a less stressful life by leading a healthier life (less alcohol, no more weed, less partying) and reading personal development articles and books. Those combined elements have helped me out tremendously, and I'm now doing much better than I was 2 weeks ago only. I still get very down, but I can get through the day fairly easily, whereas before I would cringe at the idea of waking up and having to face hours of anxiety and misery. I feel that I'm 70% recovered, and would like to get to 100% as quickly as possible, but every time I think I'm ready to get back into active life, I end up falling down harder right after, so I'm being more patient and cautious in my daily routine now. It makes for a pretty boring life, which is why I've decided to start a blog. I love writing but it's something I haven't been able to do in a long time.
At times I feel quite confident, other times I feel very insecure. Right now I'm feeling rather insecure, but that's slowly starting to change. I believe a fling would help me a lot. I haven't felt good about my masculinity in a long time. Girl #8, Clara, contributed to that insecurity a lot, even if ultimately it was my own fear of not being good enough for her that failed me. Realistically, it would have never worked out between the two of us.
The change in tone from my last message is pretty typical from me. Yesterday I was feeling chipper and hyper, today I'm feeling a bit down and melancholic. I felt awful this morning and popped a sleeping pill to get 4 additional hours of sleep. It's 3pm now, and I am feeling better.
Monday, July 30, 2007
possible #9 ?
I still have to write about #4 to #8, but today's events are causing me to get back to the present and type it out. So without going into detail, here are a couple facts: I'm single, and no one is on my radar. I'd love for someone to be on my mind right now (aside from my ex: my 8th sex partner, aka #8, aka Clara). In fact, I would love to fall in love right now and start something fresh, new, romantic, hot and happy. But my current situation just won't allow it, or at least I'm not feeling it happening currently or in the very near future. So instead I'm searching for something easier to target, a fuck buddy or a fling. Realizing that it's been 3 months since I've had sex and that I really miss it, I spontaneously decided to IM a girl I know who isn't very attractive, not my type at all, but with whom I had very hot cybersex one drunken night. I hadn't had cybersex since my teen years, as it's mostly a frustrating and sad act imo, but this one night I was just that, extremely frustrated and sad about my situation with Clara, and decided to let go of my desires with this scandinavian girl which we will call Petra. Petra had mentioned previously that she was having a hard time finding a fuck buddy in The City. I would've jumped on the occasion (even though I'm not very attracted to her) had I not been involved with Clara, but as it happened I was madly in love with her, and couldn't bring myself to cheat on her, even though #8 and I weren't a true item. In fact, Clara would even encourage me to go see other girls. More about that and about the girl who broke my heart in future posts.
Anyway, back to Petra. As I was drunk, hard, stroking my shaft with one hand and typing dirty thoughts with the other, Petra began to really reveal herself as a very hot, horny and naughty girl. I let go my dirtiest side to her, mainly because I wasn't fearing her reaction. I didn't care if she was thinking that I was going too far, I simply wanted to let go of that terrible sexual tension which #8 was causing me, and I let it all go on Petra through the amazing vessel that is the internet, and msn messenger. In our cyber adventure, I pumped Petra against the wall, against every furniture piece in the room, in the butt and finally came all over her large breasts (her best asset). Petra would later write that she might just have to call a cab for me to come over and put the practice what we had just done in the virtual world. After our session she said: "too bad you're taken". I didn't insist, as I didn't want to break the the exclusivity of my heart and cock for Clara.
Fast forward to today, 3 months later, and after weeks of crying over #8, Petra suddenly pops up on MSN. I IMed her and in 5 minutes I managed to pull off a possible sex date. She said that sounded nice, but that she had to clear her mind a little (she has just gone through her own breakup). #9 would qualify as definite rebound sex, and possible fuck buddy sex. Either way it should be very naughty sex, as Petra clearly is a very naughty girl.
In the meantime, I don't want to get my hopes too high as she hasn't responded completely positively. But there certainly is hope!
Still tonight I am left pretty sad as I've been hoping to see an out town girl this week to show her around the city and my apartment as she might be subletting it next month. But something tells me she got freaked out at my last e-mail. I was being especially attentive and polite, and I fear I must have seemed desperate to meet her (I don't know her but she seems quite hot on her profile photo). I'm kicking myself for being way too attentive in my message, basically telling her I could meet her where convenient, that i could show her around the city and help with practical stuff, etc, etc. I kept a very casual tone and the message was very proper, but now I can totally see how she must be thinking "whoa, ok waaaaaay too much reaching out for a guy I don't even know". Maybe I'm overreacting but I fear I've entered the Follow me I'll avoid you, - Avoid me and I will avoid you territory. In this case being the follower. Damn it! I hate this fucking reality that when you try to be nice and attentive you end up being ignored and when you act like a fucking ass hole you're being chased. It's so fucking true too. Most times I am the one being avoided, because I'm basically a nice guy and not a prick, but I have experienced being the one chased. It was with #5, a 40 year old co-worker. I'll write about that soon.
Anyway, bed time for me. Pray for me that I will get lucky this week.
Anyway, back to Petra. As I was drunk, hard, stroking my shaft with one hand and typing dirty thoughts with the other, Petra began to really reveal herself as a very hot, horny and naughty girl. I let go my dirtiest side to her, mainly because I wasn't fearing her reaction. I didn't care if she was thinking that I was going too far, I simply wanted to let go of that terrible sexual tension which #8 was causing me, and I let it all go on Petra through the amazing vessel that is the internet, and msn messenger. In our cyber adventure, I pumped Petra against the wall, against every furniture piece in the room, in the butt and finally came all over her large breasts (her best asset). Petra would later write that she might just have to call a cab for me to come over and put the practice what we had just done in the virtual world. After our session she said: "too bad you're taken". I didn't insist, as I didn't want to break the the exclusivity of my heart and cock for Clara.
Fast forward to today, 3 months later, and after weeks of crying over #8, Petra suddenly pops up on MSN. I IMed her and in 5 minutes I managed to pull off a possible sex date. She said that sounded nice, but that she had to clear her mind a little (she has just gone through her own breakup). #9 would qualify as definite rebound sex, and possible fuck buddy sex. Either way it should be very naughty sex, as Petra clearly is a very naughty girl.
In the meantime, I don't want to get my hopes too high as she hasn't responded completely positively. But there certainly is hope!
Still tonight I am left pretty sad as I've been hoping to see an out town girl this week to show her around the city and my apartment as she might be subletting it next month. But something tells me she got freaked out at my last e-mail. I was being especially attentive and polite, and I fear I must have seemed desperate to meet her (I don't know her but she seems quite hot on her profile photo). I'm kicking myself for being way too attentive in my message, basically telling her I could meet her where convenient, that i could show her around the city and help with practical stuff, etc, etc. I kept a very casual tone and the message was very proper, but now I can totally see how she must be thinking "whoa, ok waaaaaay too much reaching out for a guy I don't even know". Maybe I'm overreacting but I fear I've entered the Follow me I'll avoid you, - Avoid me and I will avoid you territory. In this case being the follower. Damn it! I hate this fucking reality that when you try to be nice and attentive you end up being ignored and when you act like a fucking ass hole you're being chased. It's so fucking true too. Most times I am the one being avoided, because I'm basically a nice guy and not a prick, but I have experienced being the one chased. It was with #5, a 40 year old co-worker. I'll write about that soon.
Anyway, bed time for me. Pray for me that I will get lucky this week.
#3 Sarah
My first two experiences were an introduction to sex. A decent introduction, but both were brief and left some unanswered questions: "can i make a woman cum?", "will i have a steady relationship with a girl", "what is like to having sex without a condom?", "what is it like to have a complete blowjob?". All those questions would be answered with Sarah.
#3 Sarah
Sarah was a friend from high school. We weren't close in high school, but we got along fine and more or less were part of the same crowd. We became closer after high school, mainly communicating by e-mail. As things didn't really work out with Adriana, I began to spend more time with Sarah, and eventually we went on a road trip together along with another friend. Nothing happened during the trip but upon returning from it we hung out even more until the inevitable happened, we made out and on that same night headed to her flat. I innocently thought we would simply make out more and sleep (as we went to her place to spend the night) but as soon as I got in bed she wrapped her legs around me and we got things going.
That night was amazing. Lots of unanswered questions were answered. First of all, it lasted for what seemed like hours. It was probably about an hour in reality. We had no condoms so no penetration, which was probably even better because it resulted in more foreplay. It was very hot! She wasn't a knock out but I had always been attracted to her. She had luscious lips, nice breasts, soft skin, about 5'3. She really turned me on, and I had often fantasized about fucking her while in high school. It was almost a dream becoming reality. I was finally fucking someone I know and for whom I had a thing for for a while! I don't remember giving her head that night, but I made her cum three times. It was unlike anything I had experiences before, seeing her body react to my fingers rubbing her pussy lips and clit while wrapping each other up into one big naked ball. My cock stayed hard for the whole time, waiting to finally release it's load. Finally she came down on me, and gave me my first real complete blow job. It was absolutely amazing. I remember it so vividly. I lying on back and she was lying next to sideways, with one leg wrapping me and her head towards my hard dick sucking it constant speed while stroking my shaft in the same motion. As I moaned in pleasure she intensified the rhythm. As I felt my dick was ready to burst, my body tensed up and Sarah did not stop or remove her mouth, which caught me a bit by surprise. Would she actually let me cum in her mouth?
The release was amazing. Sarah kept her sucking me until I felt the first of several spurts shoot into her mouth at blazing rate. The first load almost made her gasp, but she kept my cock in her mouth until the very last drop. I couldn't see what was going on as the back of her was blocking my view, but when she came up to kiss me, I could see no cum on my belly or around my dick. She had swallowed every drop of my semen to my amazement! I hadn't pictured her as the swallowing type at all.
I continued seeing Sarah after that, and we stayed together for a year. We were often apart during that time as I returned to the US that fall for school but she visited, I saw her for x-mas break and spring break, as well as the early part of the following summer. During that time we had sex a lot, and it was mostly great. I finally got to give head to a girl and make her cum. She came almost every time we had sex, mostly in missionary position. She gave me quite a few blowjobs but stopped swallowing, instead spitting back my semen on my belly most of the time. Even though she was very open in some areas of sex, she was rather closed on others, such as taking her doggystyle (we she felt was too submissive) or looking at me during blow jobs, hiding instead with the back of her head facing me. She didn't like to be watched during the act, and often closed her eyes during sex. She wasn't very naughty in bed, but on the + side she came very easily, and seemed very satisfied by me, even saying I was the best lover she had been with (not necessarily true but still comforting for the ego) and definitely that she had her strongest orgasm with me, which I believe to be true by the way she screamed during the act which happened on my couch in the US, wither her top flat against me while I held her hips and guiding her against my pumping cock.
We split up that following summer but managed to have post break-up sex for a few weeks after. Some of the best sex actually. I had anal sex with her during that period, which left her in tears as I hit a spot a little too roughly. She mentioned that she was enjoying it until that point. I would get to have more anal sex after that with other partners. One of the perks of not having a large cock is that girls are more likely to give it a try, fearing less that it will hurt!
Overall sex was very good with Sarah, but it would be even better with my next partner with whom I stayed for 4 years, staying faithful the whole time. That story will come in the next post.
#3 Sarah
Sarah was a friend from high school. We weren't close in high school, but we got along fine and more or less were part of the same crowd. We became closer after high school, mainly communicating by e-mail. As things didn't really work out with Adriana, I began to spend more time with Sarah, and eventually we went on a road trip together along with another friend. Nothing happened during the trip but upon returning from it we hung out even more until the inevitable happened, we made out and on that same night headed to her flat. I innocently thought we would simply make out more and sleep (as we went to her place to spend the night) but as soon as I got in bed she wrapped her legs around me and we got things going.
That night was amazing. Lots of unanswered questions were answered. First of all, it lasted for what seemed like hours. It was probably about an hour in reality. We had no condoms so no penetration, which was probably even better because it resulted in more foreplay. It was very hot! She wasn't a knock out but I had always been attracted to her. She had luscious lips, nice breasts, soft skin, about 5'3. She really turned me on, and I had often fantasized about fucking her while in high school. It was almost a dream becoming reality. I was finally fucking someone I know and for whom I had a thing for for a while! I don't remember giving her head that night, but I made her cum three times. It was unlike anything I had experiences before, seeing her body react to my fingers rubbing her pussy lips and clit while wrapping each other up into one big naked ball. My cock stayed hard for the whole time, waiting to finally release it's load. Finally she came down on me, and gave me my first real complete blow job. It was absolutely amazing. I remember it so vividly. I lying on back and she was lying next to sideways, with one leg wrapping me and her head towards my hard dick sucking it constant speed while stroking my shaft in the same motion. As I moaned in pleasure she intensified the rhythm. As I felt my dick was ready to burst, my body tensed up and Sarah did not stop or remove her mouth, which caught me a bit by surprise. Would she actually let me cum in her mouth?
The release was amazing. Sarah kept her sucking me until I felt the first of several spurts shoot into her mouth at blazing rate. The first load almost made her gasp, but she kept my cock in her mouth until the very last drop. I couldn't see what was going on as the back of her was blocking my view, but when she came up to kiss me, I could see no cum on my belly or around my dick. She had swallowed every drop of my semen to my amazement! I hadn't pictured her as the swallowing type at all.
I continued seeing Sarah after that, and we stayed together for a year. We were often apart during that time as I returned to the US that fall for school but she visited, I saw her for x-mas break and spring break, as well as the early part of the following summer. During that time we had sex a lot, and it was mostly great. I finally got to give head to a girl and make her cum. She came almost every time we had sex, mostly in missionary position. She gave me quite a few blowjobs but stopped swallowing, instead spitting back my semen on my belly most of the time. Even though she was very open in some areas of sex, she was rather closed on others, such as taking her doggystyle (we she felt was too submissive) or looking at me during blow jobs, hiding instead with the back of her head facing me. She didn't like to be watched during the act, and often closed her eyes during sex. She wasn't very naughty in bed, but on the + side she came very easily, and seemed very satisfied by me, even saying I was the best lover she had been with (not necessarily true but still comforting for the ego) and definitely that she had her strongest orgasm with me, which I believe to be true by the way she screamed during the act which happened on my couch in the US, wither her top flat against me while I held her hips and guiding her against my pumping cock.
We split up that following summer but managed to have post break-up sex for a few weeks after. Some of the best sex actually. I had anal sex with her during that period, which left her in tears as I hit a spot a little too roughly. She mentioned that she was enjoying it until that point. I would get to have more anal sex after that with other partners. One of the perks of not having a large cock is that girls are more likely to give it a try, fearing less that it will hurt!
Overall sex was very good with Sarah, but it would be even better with my next partner with whom I stayed for 4 years, staying faithful the whole time. That story will come in the next post.
#2 Adriana
Before I start, I should mention that I don't want to offend anyone by giving out grades on looks and sex partners. I'm not in any way looking at objectifying the women I've been with, or disrespecting them with my descriptions. I've enjoyed all my sexual encounters, and feel lucky that I haven't experienced any real negative experience. I have had some "less happy" sex moments, some of which I will probably write about, but this blog is mainly just a way to openly talk about my sex life, and about my impressions and reflections on it. I use grades not to judge, but only to compare and have fun with the subject. It's a little shallow, I'll admit it, but shouldn't be taken too seriously. I'm just really trying to have fun with the subject.
So now that I got this out of the way, let me talk to you about Adriana, my 2nd sex encounter.
#2 Adriana
Adriana, as I mentioned in my last post, was about a 7.5 physically (my opinion at least). As communicated faded with Nathalie, it increased with Adriana, so upon my return to Europe for summer break I made sure I would meet with her in hopes of more happening. More did happen, as we started dating (Nathalie wasn't thrilled but had moved on since and besides, nothing serious was ever established with her.)
I didn't stay long with Adriana. She liked me but was a bit of a troubled girl, and since I was studying in the US there was no real hope for a serious relationship, and I think that's what she was looking for in her life at that point in time. She was also one year older than me, 21.
In the end, we only had sex once. It wasn't amazing, but it wasn't bad. I learned two things from this 2nd encounter with a woman. 1) not all pussies are as wide as Nathalie's and 2) not every girl get as wet as Nathalie does. The first realization was a big relief. The 2nd one more of a random realization with no real conclusion being drawn about it because after all, we only had sex once. I don't remember much about it except that it felt better than with Nathalie, but that Adriana was less open that Nathalie, and didn't do a whole lot to turn me on. We had simple casual sex, no oral stimulation, no dirty talk, just simple straightforward sex. Sometimes that's all it is, and to me it was nice knowing that the first time wasn't a fluke, and that my sexual life was indeed finally starting to become a reality! I was sexually active and damn happy about it :)
So now that I got this out of the way, let me talk to you about Adriana, my 2nd sex encounter.
#2 Adriana
Adriana, as I mentioned in my last post, was about a 7.5 physically (my opinion at least). As communicated faded with Nathalie, it increased with Adriana, so upon my return to Europe for summer break I made sure I would meet with her in hopes of more happening. More did happen, as we started dating (Nathalie wasn't thrilled but had moved on since and besides, nothing serious was ever established with her.)
I didn't stay long with Adriana. She liked me but was a bit of a troubled girl, and since I was studying in the US there was no real hope for a serious relationship, and I think that's what she was looking for in her life at that point in time. She was also one year older than me, 21.
In the end, we only had sex once. It wasn't amazing, but it wasn't bad. I learned two things from this 2nd encounter with a woman. 1) not all pussies are as wide as Nathalie's and 2) not every girl get as wet as Nathalie does. The first realization was a big relief. The 2nd one more of a random realization with no real conclusion being drawn about it because after all, we only had sex once. I don't remember much about it except that it felt better than with Nathalie, but that Adriana was less open that Nathalie, and didn't do a whole lot to turn me on. We had simple casual sex, no oral stimulation, no dirty talk, just simple straightforward sex. Sometimes that's all it is, and to me it was nice knowing that the first time wasn't a fluke, and that my sexual life was indeed finally starting to become a reality! I was sexually active and damn happy about it :)
#1 Nathalie
I'm 29, and I've had 8 different sex partners (all female) in my life. I lost my virginity pretty late, at 20. You do the math. I've had less than one partner per year since I lost my virginity. I guess that's not so much an issue or relevant realization.
These days, I'm not having much sex. You could say that I'm in a slump. There are quite a few reasons for this slump, but that's something I will get into some other time. In the meantime, since I'm not HAVING sex, I thought I'd sit back and think back to the last decade (and first) of my sex life, and reminisce about the good, the bad, and the average sex that I've enjoyed (because even bad sex can be enjoyable) over the years.
#1 Nathalie
My first sexual encounter happened pretty late. I was a bit of a late bloomer. Although I was fairly popular in high school, intellectually mature, and liked by my peers, girls and boys alike, I wasn't all that confident and forthcoming. As a result, I didn't date at all while in HS, and barely had any flings. I fantasized about many girls, I masturbated to just about every other female in my class, but didn't come close to scoring with any of them in reality. At 20 I developed into more of a man, and less of a boy. As a freshman in college in the US, you'd think my first experience would've happened then, after a frat party presumably with an anonymous drunk and horny flaky classmate, but it wasn't so. My first lay actually came while I returned to Europe (where I grew up and still live). It all started on new years eve. After an evening of feasting on foie gras and toasted salmon while sipping champagne and wine (hey, it's europe!), two friends and I headed to town to celebrate like it was 1999 (when actually it was 1998). Some time after midnight, after pouring some don perignon knock-off in our mouths and eyes, we headed towards a party somewhere in town at friend's place, and invited just about every other girl we crossed paths with. All of them ignored us, until we ran into Adriana and Nathalie.
Fast Forward to an hour later, and I'm at the party sitting on a kitchen chair at the party with Nathalie on my lap, facing me. Nathalie was fairly attractive, though not striking. She was about a 6 out of 10 on the "shallow male looks rating for girls scale". Adriana was a 7.5, definitely more my type, but friend #1 put a move on her before I ever dared. Seeing that there was only one girl left for two, I made my move on Nathalie before friend #2 even had a chance, and thankfully it worked, thus the kitchen moment, a great way to start the year.
We didn't have sex that night, but simply made out and felt each other up, but Nathalie, who was a very forthcoming Italian girl in town for her studies let me know that if she it wasn't that time of the month, we would be fucking later than night. That got me hard, excited, terrified, and relieved (at last sex was going to enter my life!)
January 3rd 1998, Nathalie's apartment
Nathalie was a year older than me, 21, about 5'7, dark shoulder length hair, generous breasts, a bit more to love around the waist and thighs, but quite attractive nonetheless. Decent enough for a 1st experience for sure. After a night at the movies, we retrieved to her flat and from that point on she took care of everything. Of course, she had no idea that I was still a virgin, I didn't dare reveal it to her. As far as she was concerned, I was simply a hot enough guy to fuck with for a night, and maybe more. She took care of everything in the apartment. She lit the candles, she put on Billie Holiday on the stereo, and the next minutes escape me. I simply remember having her on top of me and struggling to get her bra off. She took care of it, which revealed plump but large breasts. I don't think my nervousity showed up too much, but I was very anxious about her reaction to my cock. I feel pretty good about my looks. Not great but ok. But I don't have a very big cock. Erect, it's about 6 inches, a tad less maybe. It's not very thick either, which is even more of a concern. Thankfully I got no weird looks from her upon taking my boxers off. She proceeded to give me my first blow job. It felt just as good as I had imagined so many times before. The wet feeling on my lips was unlike anything I had felt before, and the tongue lashes felt simply divine.
The oral appetizer lasted about 2-3 minutes, just to get things going. I don't remember much of what happened in between, all I know is that suddenly here she was, on top of me, and inserting my rock hard cock into her soaked pussy. I'd later find out -with more experience- that she was particularly wet. Her pussy juices felt amazing, but as she pumped my cock with her hips and cunt, I realized that it didn't feel as tight as I imagined it would be. Her pussy was quite wide, or as I feared at that moment, my cock simply wasn't thick enough. As a result, I took a very long time to cum. We were both sweating quite a bit, our drops mixing with her pussy juices. After some heaving humping and thumping, I finally felt myself myself and approaching orgasm. Realizing that, she increased the pace and let go what would be my first experience with a fake orgasm. She didn't simulate it very well, ever as a virgin I couldn't be duped. But had I duped her that I wasn't a virgin? I'll never know, but I think I passed the test. As I removed the condom I noticed how wet my belly was, full of juices. I remember her saying "Oops, I really got excited!"
We slept together, spooning naked in her tiny bed. In the morning, we went at it again, this time with me on top. I remember trying to eat her out, getting my first good look at her pussy. It wasn't so much a beautiful sight, she didn't take amazing care of herself, but I was still very turned on by the view of lips, and her clit. I wasn't very effective in pleasing her, and the sex we had that morning was quite comparable to the night before, except this time I was doing the pumping, and again I struggled to come, but succeeded in the end.
I saw her one more time, but we didn't have sex again. I had to head back to the states for Spring semester. We stayed in contact somewhat, but upon my return to Europe for the Summer, it's her friend Adriana that I would discover and have my next sexual experience with.
For a first time, it was pretty good experience. Definitely not a scarring one (though I remained worried for a while about how loose her pussy felt, therefore adding insecurity to my cock size). In comparaison to my later experiences, it was one of the worst. The sex that I would discover later would prove to be much more enjoyable!
In the end, I would give this experience a 4/10.
These days, I'm not having much sex. You could say that I'm in a slump. There are quite a few reasons for this slump, but that's something I will get into some other time. In the meantime, since I'm not HAVING sex, I thought I'd sit back and think back to the last decade (and first) of my sex life, and reminisce about the good, the bad, and the average sex that I've enjoyed (because even bad sex can be enjoyable) over the years.
#1 Nathalie
My first sexual encounter happened pretty late. I was a bit of a late bloomer. Although I was fairly popular in high school, intellectually mature, and liked by my peers, girls and boys alike, I wasn't all that confident and forthcoming. As a result, I didn't date at all while in HS, and barely had any flings. I fantasized about many girls, I masturbated to just about every other female in my class, but didn't come close to scoring with any of them in reality. At 20 I developed into more of a man, and less of a boy. As a freshman in college in the US, you'd think my first experience would've happened then, after a frat party presumably with an anonymous drunk and horny flaky classmate, but it wasn't so. My first lay actually came while I returned to Europe (where I grew up and still live). It all started on new years eve. After an evening of feasting on foie gras and toasted salmon while sipping champagne and wine (hey, it's europe!), two friends and I headed to town to celebrate like it was 1999 (when actually it was 1998). Some time after midnight, after pouring some don perignon knock-off in our mouths and eyes, we headed towards a party somewhere in town at friend's place, and invited just about every other girl we crossed paths with. All of them ignored us, until we ran into Adriana and Nathalie.
Fast Forward to an hour later, and I'm at the party sitting on a kitchen chair at the party with Nathalie on my lap, facing me. Nathalie was fairly attractive, though not striking. She was about a 6 out of 10 on the "shallow male looks rating for girls scale". Adriana was a 7.5, definitely more my type, but friend #1 put a move on her before I ever dared. Seeing that there was only one girl left for two, I made my move on Nathalie before friend #2 even had a chance, and thankfully it worked, thus the kitchen moment, a great way to start the year.
We didn't have sex that night, but simply made out and felt each other up, but Nathalie, who was a very forthcoming Italian girl in town for her studies let me know that if she it wasn't that time of the month, we would be fucking later than night. That got me hard, excited, terrified, and relieved (at last sex was going to enter my life!)
January 3rd 1998, Nathalie's apartment
Nathalie was a year older than me, 21, about 5'7, dark shoulder length hair, generous breasts, a bit more to love around the waist and thighs, but quite attractive nonetheless. Decent enough for a 1st experience for sure. After a night at the movies, we retrieved to her flat and from that point on she took care of everything. Of course, she had no idea that I was still a virgin, I didn't dare reveal it to her. As far as she was concerned, I was simply a hot enough guy to fuck with for a night, and maybe more. She took care of everything in the apartment. She lit the candles, she put on Billie Holiday on the stereo, and the next minutes escape me. I simply remember having her on top of me and struggling to get her bra off. She took care of it, which revealed plump but large breasts. I don't think my nervousity showed up too much, but I was very anxious about her reaction to my cock. I feel pretty good about my looks. Not great but ok. But I don't have a very big cock. Erect, it's about 6 inches, a tad less maybe. It's not very thick either, which is even more of a concern. Thankfully I got no weird looks from her upon taking my boxers off. She proceeded to give me my first blow job. It felt just as good as I had imagined so many times before. The wet feeling on my lips was unlike anything I had felt before, and the tongue lashes felt simply divine.
The oral appetizer lasted about 2-3 minutes, just to get things going. I don't remember much of what happened in between, all I know is that suddenly here she was, on top of me, and inserting my rock hard cock into her soaked pussy. I'd later find out -with more experience- that she was particularly wet. Her pussy juices felt amazing, but as she pumped my cock with her hips and cunt, I realized that it didn't feel as tight as I imagined it would be. Her pussy was quite wide, or as I feared at that moment, my cock simply wasn't thick enough. As a result, I took a very long time to cum. We were both sweating quite a bit, our drops mixing with her pussy juices. After some heaving humping and thumping, I finally felt myself myself and approaching orgasm. Realizing that, she increased the pace and let go what would be my first experience with a fake orgasm. She didn't simulate it very well, ever as a virgin I couldn't be duped. But had I duped her that I wasn't a virgin? I'll never know, but I think I passed the test. As I removed the condom I noticed how wet my belly was, full of juices. I remember her saying "Oops, I really got excited!"
We slept together, spooning naked in her tiny bed. In the morning, we went at it again, this time with me on top. I remember trying to eat her out, getting my first good look at her pussy. It wasn't so much a beautiful sight, she didn't take amazing care of herself, but I was still very turned on by the view of lips, and her clit. I wasn't very effective in pleasing her, and the sex we had that morning was quite comparable to the night before, except this time I was doing the pumping, and again I struggled to come, but succeeded in the end.
I saw her one more time, but we didn't have sex again. I had to head back to the states for Spring semester. We stayed in contact somewhat, but upon my return to Europe for the Summer, it's her friend Adriana that I would discover and have my next sexual experience with.
For a first time, it was pretty good experience. Definitely not a scarring one (though I remained worried for a while about how loose her pussy felt, therefore adding insecurity to my cock size). In comparaison to my later experiences, it was one of the worst. The sex that I would discover later would prove to be much more enjoyable!
In the end, I would give this experience a 4/10.
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