possible #9 ?

I still have to write about #4 to #8, but today's events are causing me to get back to the present and type it out. So without going into detail, here are a couple facts: I'm single, and no one is on my radar. I'd love for someone to be on my mind right now (aside from my ex: my 8th sex partner, aka #8, aka Clara). In fact, I would love to fall in love right now and start something fresh, new, romantic, hot and happy. But my current situation just won't allow it, or at least I'm not feeling it happening currently or in the very near future. So instead I'm searching for something easier to target, a fuck buddy or a fling. Realizing that it's been 3 months since I've had sex and that I really miss it, I spontaneously decided to IM a girl I know who isn't very attractive, not my type at all, but with whom I had very hot cybersex one drunken night. I hadn't had cybersex since my teen years, as it's mostly a frustrating and sad act imo, but this one night I was just that, extremely frustrated and sad about my situation with Clara, and decided to let go of my desires with this scandinavian girl which we will call Petra. Petra had mentioned previously that she was having a hard time finding a fuck buddy in The City. I would've jumped on the occasion (even though I'm not very attracted to her) had I not been involved with Clara, but as it happened I was madly in love with her, and couldn't bring myself to cheat on her, even though #8 and I weren't a true item. In fact, Clara would even encourage me to go see other girls. More about that and about the girl who broke my heart in future posts.

Anyway, back to Petra. As I was drunk, hard, stroking my shaft with one hand and typing dirty thoughts with the other, Petra began to really reveal herself as a very hot, horny and naughty girl. I let go my dirtiest side to her, mainly because I wasn't fearing her reaction. I didn't care if she was thinking that I was going too far, I simply wanted to let go of that terrible sexual tension which #8 was causing me, and I let it all go on Petra through the amazing vessel that is the internet, and msn messenger. In our cyber adventure, I pumped Petra against the wall, against every furniture piece in the room, in the butt and finally came all over her large breasts (her best asset). Petra would later write that she might just have to call a cab for me to come over and put the practice what we had just done in the virtual world. After our session she said: "too bad you're taken". I didn't insist, as I didn't want to break the the exclusivity of my heart and cock for Clara.

Fast forward to today, 3 months later, and after weeks of crying over #8, Petra suddenly pops up on MSN. I IMed her and in 5 minutes I managed to pull off a possible sex date. She said that sounded nice, but that she had to clear her mind a little (she has just gone through her own breakup). #9 would qualify as definite rebound sex, and possible fuck buddy sex. Either way it should be very naughty sex, as Petra clearly is a very naughty girl.

In the meantime, I don't want to get my hopes too high as she hasn't responded completely positively. But there certainly is hope!

Still tonight I am left pretty sad as I've been hoping to see an out town girl this week to show her around the city and my apartment as she might be subletting it next month. But something tells me she got freaked out at my last e-mail. I was being especially attentive and polite, and I fear I must have seemed desperate to meet her (I don't know her but she seems quite hot on her profile photo). I'm kicking myself for being way too attentive in my message, basically telling her I could meet her where convenient, that i could show her around the city and help with practical stuff, etc, etc. I kept a very casual tone and the message was very proper, but now I can totally see how she must be thinking "whoa, ok waaaaaay too much reaching out for a guy I don't even know". Maybe I'm overreacting but I fear I've entered the Follow me I'll avoid you, - Avoid me and I will avoid you territory. In this case being the follower. Damn it! I hate this fucking reality that when you try to be nice and attentive you end up being ignored and when you act like a fucking ass hole you're being chased. It's so fucking true too. Most times I am the one being avoided, because I'm basically a nice guy and not a prick, but I have experienced being the one chased. It was with #5, a 40 year old co-worker. I'll write about that soon.

Anyway, bed time for me. Pray for me that I will get lucky this week.