The Time is Now

It would take me ages to write about what's going on in my life lately, so I'll simply make a recap on the situation with the girls. No sex still, but quite a lot of has happened, and not happened:

Bella:

It's dead. Seeing her again was disappointing. I still feel something for her, but something has changed in her perception of me. I don't know what it is. I think it might be the fact that I am moving, that she is going to the US for 6 months in March, or that she just isn't interested in me and that I misread the signals. I'm quite disappointed, at the same time it's better this way... I can't start something with a girl who won't be in the same place as me in the next year, and who might never be in the same place as me. Her future is clearly in this city (which I inadvertedly revealed in the last post but since edited) and mine isn't for now... even though I might return here in a few years. I'm bummed, but I accept it...

Clara #8:

Ran into her yesterday. It was completely unexpected. I was eating a sandwich and reading the paper in a sandwich joint, and I heard "B...?" I looked up and there she was with her glasses and work attire, and a co-worker (who was a shy looking harmless guy). It was strange but quite casual too. We said hi, kissed each other on the cheek, she asked me several questions, I answered, we did small talk mostly, and that lasted about 2-3 minutes and then we went on eating our sandwiches at respective tables which were close to each other. I continued reading my paper (pretending) and listened to her conversation with her colleague. The conversation was boring, completely ordinary, and somehow demystified her. She suddenly became very ordinary... she's now a typical boring office employee who has boring conversations about work and weekend plans with co-workers. After a few minutes I got my jacket, got up, kissed her goodbye on the cheeks, said it was nice seeing her again, she told me good luck with London, and that was that. While she seemed very ordinary, I would by lying if I said that I didn't feel some sort of pinch in the heart. She did still look cute, her laugh did still stir something in me, and at point I looked at her lips, which I always really liked, and pictured us having sex together. It's not love, it's temptation. She's a temptress, and I miss it, even if I'm so much better off without her.

I'm glad I got to see her in that way... I pictured running into her some day and having her ignore me completely or for the situation to be tense and awkward, but the casual nature of the encounter was pretty satisfying and I think I came across as very calm, unaffected by her presence, and even less embarrassed than her. I did think about her during the day a lot, and it revived a few emotions... but I'm good, I have moved on, and after 5 months I'm glad that I can run into her and not have it be an issue. She didn't mention the "First Class Bitch" bday card I sent her :)

Nina:

We still talk a whole lot to each other, even more than before. She is so great. We've really become good friends. I had lunch with her on Monday, and I keep her up to date with everything that's happening in my "love" life... and she's still great help and the person I seek advice from.

Sonja #6:

Texted me out of the blue yesterday apologizing for not writing earlier, and mentioned she'd like to see me again. She is married, she has a kid, so nothing planned there! But we did have sex back in the day, and I'm curious to see where her life is at these days...

Natasa:

A new name! A new story... and it's a very nice one. I met her 3 days before returning back home from London. It was very romantic. I met her sight seeing in the street, near Trafalgar Square... we spent the whole day together, walked miles and miles, took pictures, had coffee, went window shopping, talked a whole lot, and established chemistry right away. I dropped her off at Oxford Circus' tube station, with a promise that we would hook up again before leaving. She is Croatian and lives there, but was in London for a business trip. She is 26, slim, brown eyes and hair, olive toned skin, a beautiful smile, and a whole lot of charm. She is sooooo sweet and soooo nice and extremely sensitive. We're quite similar for a lot of things. She has a bit of an easter/slavic european innocence that's very endearing. We did meet again on our last day before taking our respective flights back home, and this time we kissed, and it was very romantic. We've been in constant touch since, and basically we're doing the long distance thing. I'm her boy, she's my girl, and we text each other all day long and goodnight every evening. We talk on the phone every other day, and longer on weekends. We are trying to find a way to spend a few days together before the end of the year. She works in a pharmaceutical firm in Zagreb and kills herself at work. From what I understand, she's the main provider in her family. She lives with her parents and brother, and I sense that she a lot on her shoulders to carry. She is the sweetest and nicest girl, and it scares me a little because should our relationship not work out, it will be devastating for her. I don't want to hurt her, but I'm afraid I will. I'm close to loving her, but I'm not used to being the Alpha male in a couple... until now I've only been with very proud and dominant women, not to say strong because underneath her fragility, Natasa is the strongest woman I've probably ever met. She grew up during war, she's probably seen things that no one should ever see or witness... but she goes on living and working her butt of and dreams of true love and happiness and she is full of life. I admire her so much already, and I want to make her happy. I think I can love her, I think something strong can happen here, but I don't know if I'm ready quite yet. I'll write more about all of this in the near future....

There is more to all of this, and there are more girls... Autumn has always been a good period for me. I bloom in Autumn... perhaps it's because of my scandinavian roots, or because I was born in the Fall... but something about the fresh air, the colors in the sky, the warm sweaters, etc... makes me feel at ease, at home. While many regret the end of summer and the arrival of the cold, I bloom.

I am a happy man right now, probably as happy as I've ever been... still there's a sadness there, or rather a sense of melancholy that remains, but it's part of who I am, and I believe it's a part of what makes me care a sensitive person, and a creative person. I still have a lot unanswered questions concerning my life, but right now I'm preparing to be 30, I'm preparing for 2008, I'm preparing for London, and I'm preparing for a new life, with a clean sheet.... and I really like that feeling.