A Wiser Man

Hey Girls (I don't think any boys read this blog. If you do, make yourselves heard wankers ((see, I'm picking up on the brit lingo already!)) ) <----- abusive usage of parenthesisssieeis I know.

So as I said so excitingly in my last post, Bella broke up with her BF. It's half a surprise, she had been very vocal about their differences when we had our 4 hour date/thing last month, but at the time she had expressed her willingness to continue seeing him until she's off to the US in March for a 6 month period. That same evening she showed a clear interest in me. Women and their mixed messages, I tell you. I'm not taking the news of this split as a sign that she is opening up the door to me enter her life, but more as a sign that she wants more from a relationship than what she had with this dude, and my feeling is she doesn't want to rush anything, so I'm not going to jump right in and say "tada!" but instead maintain regular correspondence with her and when I return home in October, then we'll see what happens. I don't have a set plan right now. Having spent 3 weeks in London now I can say this: I really see myself living here, and working here. I like the lifestyle here, I like the people, I have friends and family here, and I'm close enough to home that I can come back at any time with a cheap easyjet flight. This might make a relationship with Bella complicated, but one thing has changed since I was back home in..... I have to find a name for home without revealing the name of the place cuz it's so small that I would lose all anonymity. If you want to know you can e-mail me, but I just don't want to reveal it out there to the blog world, even though I know that I have 4 faithful readers (thanks girls :) ). But anyway, when I was home I was feeling sorry for myself (remember that time?) and I was focusing too much on my love life, and my attraction for Bella. Now I'm focusing more on dealing with myself, on enjoying my own company and getting excited about future projects and finding a good gig. It's a big change for me. If something happens with Bella, it will, but it also only will if I'm in a good state of mind. Maria and I split up because Maria lost an interest in me because I wasn't happy with my life, I wasn't happy with my job and life dreams. I lived through her, and I guess it wasn't a very comforting thing for her. She felt I had lost hope in my "dream" and could do so much better. I want to do better, and the rest will come. I really have an amazing attraction and feel for Bella, and I hope things do evolve to a point where we will be together, but I can't rush anything. I'm learning that every day, even if at times I feel very impatient. Anyway, can't wait to see her when I come back home.

120 days with no sex and counting :-)

Nina might come and visit with her BF if I move here. They'd like to see a football game, so it's something we could do + party a bit. Her BF and her are having sex again. I'm very happy for them. Her BF had issues that were making it hard for him to reveal himself sexually, but it seems like he's making progress on reaffirming his sexuality, something that he probably repressed for a long time.

I'm almost done with my cold. It was a nasty but short one. I need to make sure not to relapse, but staying home for 3 days with one hour daily walks outside and lots of fluids + no alcohol seems to have made wonders for me. I slept like a baby last night. Hadn't happened in ages.

I made 120$ in 1 month in online poker, playing about 3 hours per day. I steadily went from 10 to 120. At dinner I was telling my brother how I had mastered the HU (Head's up, one v. one poker) technique, and then before going to bed I lost 1, then 2, then 3 straight matchups. I was so frustrated that I went on more expensive tables and lost again. I lost a total of 8 straight matchups (some of which I should've won if it wasn't for total insults to the laws of probability) but lost all my 120$. I'm actually quite happy about that. I was wasting far too much time with this poker stuff, and much prefer playing in live tourneys everyonce in a while rather than being an online poker junkie, which I was slowly becoming and not even making much cash in the process. No money, no temptation to play. As easy as that.

Prince tonight. Can't wait. I'm gonna party like it's 1999!