Pondering

Well, it looks like I won't be having sex during my stay here after all. You can never say never but I toned down the outings recently as I really maxed out the first couple weeks. I will try to go out this weekend and find biiiirds. I'm good at making first contact but I don't have that killer instinct it seems. Don't know why. Maybe girls are just good at flirting and then denying. Hmm, food for thought. I actually think i've been faced mostly with girls who are taken already, so they have this inner battle going and in the end they pull out before it becomes too "risqué".

Bella hasn't given sign of life in a few days. I can't get worked up about it, I shouldn't get worked up about it, I won't get worked up about it... but I think about it and sulk a bit... oh well. I really wonder what's going to happen when I return to the small city. I will be there until the end of the year and then I'm moving to London for good in Januray. At least, that's the plan. It would be dumb to start something in the small city, which might be the reason why Bella is sending a bit of a mixed message, + she is going to the US for 6 months in March, so realistically it can't really work for us, but damn it... I really really feel something strong for her.

I wonder who I'm going to have sex with next? Will it be someone I know, someone I don't know, someone that I will only see once, someone I will settle with, have a fling with, become fuck buddies with?? I have no clue. I just hope it will happen sooner than later because I'm going nuts here. I've been fantasizing about fucking siting down on a couch, with a girl on top, legs wrapped around my ass and hands on my shoulders. I'm holding her butt and she is moving her hips in and out of my cock while I follow the motion and direct her pumps with my hands. I feel the tip of her nipples brush my chest, and feel her waist against mine as she gets close to me and we kiss passionately while fucking. It's really hot. I want that!!!