Luckier back home?

Not much to say. Routine has set here in London, but I'm enjoying it. I'm moving fwd nicely on a project, and I'm taking baby steps to finding a full time job. I plan on moving here for good in January, and I'd like to have a full time job by spring at the latest. Might have to do temp jobs like giving French, German or Spanish lessons to people (I only know one of the 3) or find a clever way to make money otherwise. Seems that if you have some brains in this city there's a lot of money to be made because, well... there are a lot rich people around.

So with 10 days left in London before I return to the homeland, it's looking less and less likely that I will score some pussy while in the city. With Bella on my mind, I'm having a tough time really going for it. I'd much rather have someone come to me. It would make it all much easier.

I'm now thinking of what awaits me back home. For one, my cat Scratchy, whom I miss ohhh so much. Love that cat. I cried in my bed the other day because I felt so lonely, and in those times Scratchy usually comes and walks on me and then curls up against the back of my legs and sleeps or purrs. So cute. I cried for the first time in a long time. Felt like a slice of my dark days, which aren't far away. Amazing how things can change so quickly. I had small spurts of sadness sometimes, but I get back on my feet and feel good again almost instantly after. I hope this prevails. Anyway...

So yeah, back home my hopes lie on Bella of course, but I'm starting to realize that it's probably not going to work out for practical reasons, and I have a feeling that she will not want to jump into a relationship with the thought that we will be separated for a good part of the next year and probably beyond. It's sad really. If we do hit it off, one option would be to have her come spend 6 months in London to learn english in Britain rather than in the US, which is her plan as of now, but it would sort of defy the purpose of leaving in a country for 6 months where you know no one in order to immerse yourself in the local life and language in order to fully learn the language and get the most out of your time abroad. But maybe love will change that. Who knows, we're not even dating yet that I'm already thinking that far ahead. I can't help it, I really do have such a crush on this girl. She cut her hair short apparently. She says it's bizarre, but felt the need to do it. A cut from her past relationship maybe? Is this good for me? I'm eager to see what she looks like I have to say! I usually like long hair but I bet she's cute with shorter hair.

If things with Bella don't work out (and I'm going to know sooner than later because I'm not going to wait the eve on my return to London in January to make a move on her or tell her my true feeling towards her) there's my former colleague Scarlette, whom I haven't mentioned here I believe. I really had a crush on her, and we had met before I had actually begun working in the same company as her. She's very pretty and cute. Has the sweetest innocent good girl voice, but with that wild side in her which she just hasn't really shown to me yet, but that's most definitely there. We actually did have a date together. She even called it that. We met online, and the time she was going through a "break" with her BF. We hit it off online, then spent a lot of time on the phone, and finally we scheduled a date. It was right before I started seeing Clara. I felt that I had a good shot with her but she cooled off shortly after the date. I took it as a sign that I just wasn't her type physically, but that she liked me as a "friend". We were friends a while while she was in-and-out of her relationship with her BF, and while I was in-and-out of my own relationship with Clara. Finally, I quit my job because of depression, and our contact after that was minimal (though she was one of the first to contact me to know what had happened to me and to check on how I was doing). I haven't seen her since work, but we've e-mailed a bit. Finally, I stopped hearing from her altogether and felt no need to be pushy and contact her again. But just last week she connected to me on Facebook. I wrote to her, asking how she was, filling her in on what I've been up to, and she replied instantly saying that she apologized for not giving any news recently, and that apparently her BF was jealous of me ???? and that she had just broken up with him. WTF? Jealous of me? I never even kissed the girl, or had an intimate moment (though our harmless date was nice but ultimately inconclusive). I guess she must've mentioned me or that he knew that we were buddies at work or online or something. Very strange. Anyway, she said that we had a lot to talk about, and proposed that we have some food, wine and maybe smoke a joint one evening to talk about it all. Hello?? I still don't think she digs me in that kind of way, but I'm all for an evening like that, and who knows... It's nice not expecting anything because sometimes it's in those moments that somethings happens, but I can't think about that or I'll jinx it. Anyway, this is just a nice thought in case things with Bella don't work out. Let it be known, my #1 girl is Bella, I'm crazy about her! But it's nice to know that other people might like you too. If that fails, I'm doing a move on Shannon. She bores me soooo much. Can't get anything out of her in our IMs. But I really feel like putting a move on her I stated previously. A nice shag would be nice with her. I'm convinced she won't go for it, but after one drunken night (and we've had many together) might just give it a shot. And if she pushes me back, well I won't insist (I'm not gonna rape the poor girl!) Ever since I got head butted by that moron and that she got in the middle of the scuffle I've been upset with her. It was a it of the last straw. Once again I was doing her a favor by driving her home after clubbing AND going for food before going home. And it all resulted in a little trip to the hospital for me. Had enough of it. We need to fuck or there's no point in acting like her fucking BF. I'm being a bit mean, but I don't really see what she's been doing for me, when I do a lot for her.

Girls Girls Girls

Still going good, and still very busy! Cut down a tad on the partying because I a bit overdid it last week but I still go out every day and spend hours walking. I've been more productive getting my portfolio going, and the notion that I will get a job that fits me well is seeming more like a definite possibility each day. It's very exciting, as I was feeling completely trapped in the smaller city. I'm still not set on moving to London for good, but I believe it could become a reality, and really be something good for me.

I've been reallllly horny the past few days. More about that lower.

Communication with Bella has been quite scarce. About an e-mail a week. She took 3 days to reply to my first e-mail, so I took 3 days to reply, and now we're on 3 days waiting for a reply. She's still in my heart, and sometimes at night I think of her and wish I could curl up against her and kiss her. I had a dream in which she made the first move and kissed me. I was quite sad when I woke up in the middle of the night, but got back to sleep eventually and had a very fine day after that.

Ashley sent me a semi-drunk facebook message last night in which she was saying how horny she was, and half apologizing for it, and being pretty funny. Haha. I think she digs me ;-) too bad she's in the US now, but Ashley is the type of girl that would be great to have as a gf, and the type of person I wouldn't want things to get weird with if we ended up getting drunk and sleeping together, Anyway she's in the US so it's not even an issue.

Still doing some great MSN sessions with Nina. She's a riot. We talk about sex pretty much everyday, and we've reached a point where we really have no barriers, we talk about everything and in great detail. It makes for pretty fascinating discoveries, and it's awesome to get a girl's perspective on the type of things they do to men to make them feel better about themselves in bed, or some of the things that girls really like and want, etc... Her BF finally made love to her the other night and it was very sweet apparently. She was very happy about that.

Shannon and I have been a bit in the cold. She's mad at me I think and bitches so much on MSN that it's becoming a real turn off. She wants me to devote most of my attention to her, but I'm not her fucking boyfriend!!! I talked to Nina about it and I suggested that the next time I go on one of our drunken night outs with Shannon that always ends up with me driving her home at 6am, I will put a move on her and absolutely go for it. It's a win-win situation. If she stops me than I can blame it on the alcohol and the fact that she's hot the next day, and if she accepts I can shag her rotten, and I really will not stop be shy about it... I'll be a total beast and it'll be hot and heavy! Probably do her doggystyle and grab her tits firmly while humping her. Might even jizz on her ass. At least that's my fantasy :) Frankly, not to be mean, but I don't give a shit if how she reacts after that. SHe's been breaking my balls lately and I've been her little man servant and I'm tired of it. Besides, I think she really needs a good fuck!!!

I absolutely have to fuck during this London trip. There are so many single girls around going for drinks in groups that the opportunities are there everywhere. Just got to find the right occasion, the right plan, etc... It'll happen, I just don't know when or how, but it will happen! My cock has been rock hard for hours at times, something that hasn't happened since my teenage years. I no longer have problems ejaculating, my system has adjusted to the meds for good. I can now fuck freely without the concern of not being able to cum. It's not so much for me (though it does feel great) but I don't like for my partner to feel like I can't get the job done, or that she doesn't feel like she can get the job done. Sarah and Maria worried about that when I was on meds before.

Back to online poker. I'm on a winning streak :) Things are definitely good these days.
xx

ps: By now Clara must've gotten the "First Class Bitch" birthday card :-) Can't tell you how satisfying it feels. I don't expect a reaction from her part, and I'm happy not to get any. For me it's the final chapter of a very painful experience, and I'm glad to about the way I could get closure on it.

Fight, Bella and Nina

I never wrote about the 2nd part of Saturday night. Basically, I rejoined Shannon at a club, once it closed down we proceeded to get a bite to eat and while queuing I got into a verbal conflict with a tool who proceed to head butt me right between the eyes, or rather right at the top of my nose which split and bled profusely. A fight ensued, and all is well now, nothing broken, but it was one scary ordeal. My nose is fine but I have to wear one of those stick bandaids. I was pretty soar for a couple of days and I have bruises here and there. What a moron I swear. I'm a non-violent person, and I'm really not too impressed by this first real physical altercation.

So yeah, there's a risk that I will get hurt with the Bella situation, but I have nothing to lose now. I've already fallen for her, now the question is just whether she's interested in me enough to reconsider her current relationship and open up to me, or decide it's not worth starting something when my current situation is quite unclear. We're seeing each other tomorrow afternoon for coffee, maybe some questions will be resolved, but for now my feeling is: There are sure signs, but nothing definite. I'm not going to plan anything, I will go with the flow and if it feels right I'll make a move but most likely I will just honor her relationship and not say much about it and just enjoy the time together before I leave for the Big City. While in the Big City, I'm sure I'll be in contact with her somewhat, but the key thing will be to see how I manage being away from her, and how she's going to be with her boyfriend. All in all, it's a case of if I come back and she's still with him, well that's not good and I'll have to move on, but if on the other hand she has used the month of September to detach herself from him, well then the green light is there and I won't miss it! I'm really falling for this girl hard. She's perfect for me, everyting than love in a person. So sweet.

Lunch with Nina tomorrow. Sex will certainly be a topic of conversation. We joke around a lot that our lunches are in fact secret love encounters. I'll love screwing around with her, we had so much fun, and in between we talk about our relationships, troubles, heart aches. She's the best. She's my go-to girl when it comes to decisions to be taken with Bella. I usually tell her what i plan on doing, and she either says, yeah that's goof, or send the message tomorrow, or add this or take off that. I have her look at the messages Bella sends me to decode them, see if there's stuff that i might missing, or that really nothing more than friendly wording... but i can't help seeing signs here and there and it's actually kinda fun looking around!

Sleep pill in full effect. more more moe soon. xx

Drunk

I am so drunk right now, but the good news is that is that i have met the woman of y,y life, and she is the carbon copy of Maria, but better. She is so fucking swettz. I want to see her again, she has my bumber, buit i dont' have hers. I hope she calls .me. She was super drunk, and our amazing conversation was interruppted by her voiming, to which i had to tell her boydrriend to go look after her. I lost touch of her, and i was so fucking dfrung that i didn't even checup on her. I refre4t. Instead i fo0llwd shannon and other mathers to another club, and we got fucking drunmg and i hit on fra ranch herigl owhom i think digged me pretty much but klike the pansy that i man, i left and say dgoddbye and kissed her on the checcks and tdidn't giver my number… DSOHHHH°T i'm sorfucking cudmnbg in those situations gods dammit. itaopij ppolshould nest be . UHHHH shanonn si takging ththe a day off tomoroow, and hogd adamn it ai how pe that will fucking fuck soon because she is majing so damn horyn. ai man comn onshe must want a coeck in ther bomouth by mow. now? Comon cshaonng i ewant to fuckg you suco bac¨. nadsibhnédfhaélshf oh yeah her tits are so fuckjing amazing . sheeeeeejus. i was to see her fucking boooooooooobs dammit. oh yeah, put ym coxok in between dem , cum on them , and her mouzth. and the shove my cock in her mouzth and tell her. hmm, you like that huh. and she fgoes hum,mmm b i want your cockl in my puzssy right now, cutz its so wet. fuckin ,BE BBBBB: iauliaksuhflkasjf$




and them climax and jizz all over the place and hopefully she squirts like a fu king mad woman. yeahhhhh

adsfméoaisdhfpoadhf

Shannon

I just re-read my last entry, and
I have absolutely no recollection of writing it. Especially the last paragraph. Amazing what drugs can do to your mind, even something light like sleeping pills.


Shannon just IMed me. She wants to have lunch together, I don't have anything really going on today so I accepted. I was pretty close to making a move on her Friday whilst completely hammered. The only other time I made a move on her was two years ago when we met at work. We went out for drinks with a group of work mates, and I tried to grind with her on the dancefloor, but she pulled out, sending clear signals that she wasn't interested. I since the have given up, and come to not feel as attracted to her over the years.

Shannon is a pretty attractive girl. She has wavy blond her, clear blue eyes, very pale skin and lots of freckles, which I find pretty cute. She's the Lindsay Lohan type. She has a good body, good proportions and breast which I envision to look amazing. She's athletic but smokes way too much, has bad eating habits, and seems addicted to coke (acola, not the white powder).

The cigarette is a big turn off for me. I don't mind a girl who has a smoke socially, but she's cigging from morning to night. Her fingers are yellow as a result and she's got bad nails. Those details don't do it for me. But we've become good friends. She's pretty lonely and has been unlucky in love, but she's been very clear about the fact that she can only have sex when in love. This is what has stopped me from trying to shag her, but Friday while touching her leg in that bar at 6am, I really was fantasizing about a morning fuck with her. I wonder if she's starting to like me more. I've been more distant with her in the last couple months, which tends to rub her the wrong way, but don't girls love that? She's the type to fall in love with the wrong guy, and I have no interest in her as a "serious" partner, I'm probably moving to another city soon... I fit the profile of the Shannon type!

I might be thinking over my head here, but who knows. Let's say something did happen with Shannon, here's how I envision it would happen:

We're out drinking from late in the afternoon to early in the morning. I drop her at her flat in my car (again, not a good idea to be driving) and as we say goodbye I notice something in her smile and eyes that says "I want you to fuck me". So instead of kissing her on the cheek, I go for her lips, and she doesn't pull out.

Fast Forward 2 minutes, and we're in her elevator (lift for the brit folks) and now we're snogging like teenagers, as I am leaning against her, I clasp her against the wall, and lift her left leg. She can feel my hard cock through my pants against her hip. She starts to moan.

We're in her flat now, it's a bloody mess cuz Shannon is a slob. She apologized for the mess, tries to remove some bras from her bed, but I grab her from behind, and push her on the bed, falling onto it with her. I'm drunk so I stumble, and accidentally fall on her arm. She yells in pain, I apologize, then we laugh. We stop for a moment, the mood slows down, and now I'm kissing her gently. I sense she is becoming nervous, I reassure her by tenderly putting my arm on her cheek, and back her neck. I kiss her, she opens her mouth ever so slightly, and our tongues makes their way together, sucking each other....

ok screw the foreplay part, just imagine it as being nice and putting Shannon in the mood while my cock is yelling inside my pants "suck me!"

Fast forward a few minutes and we're now naked. Her breasts look amazing! I massage them for a while as we're both sitting, facing each other and kissing, and finally she gets down on me and starts working on my rock hard -pointing to the sky- straight uncut 6 in dick. I'm on back and she sucks on my cock, and doing a pretty good (blow) job I have to say! After about 5 minutes, she gets on top of me. I let her do most of the deciding, because I don't want to rush her, besides I like when a girl is on top.

She has her eyes closed while rocking her hips against my sliding cock. Hands on my chest, and back slightly arched. Her moaning is contagious, and I can feel she is enjoying the action. Unlike some girls who just try to please their man by acting like pornstars and putting on a show (which can be nice as well but you get my point) she is just enjoying the moment, and feeling every sensation that penetration and physical contact brings. It's contageous, and I'm thinking to myself (hmmm, this is really good).

The pace increased, and I feel her nearing climax. I increase the motions, making sure to stay in her groove, and suddenly I feel her whole body tensing up, her pussy muscles tightening, and she lets go a high pitched scream, which she tries to muffle by grabbing a pillow and biting it.

Fast forward to a break, some talking, smiling, recuperating, and we get back to it, this time I get I'm facing her, legs kneeld and back straight, I grab her hips, pull them against me, and I fuck her madly, controlling every move. It's louder and more intense than before, and it's also very good. As I near the big "O", I do something that I hadn't plan on doing, but the sight of her breasts is just too damn hot. I pull out, get on top of her, and shoot my cum all over her tits, and accidently some of it reaches her neck and hair. She seems surprised but goes with it. Afterwards I grab tissues and clean her up. We kiss, and fall asleep in each others arms.

The next day is weird. We have breakfast and panadols in her kitchen. She smokes, and I have coffee. We kiss goodbye, and I feel damn good but a little confused as to what will happen now.

Ok back to reality, I have to get ready for lunch. I'll be staring at her boobs the whole time!

tah.

ps: i have this bad habit about not proofreading what i write until hours later. please excuse my bad grammar and typos :-)